谦让与对质两者之间的掌握[11月3日专题信息]

专题信息｜谦让与对质两者之间的掌握

11月3日

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朱志山牧师

经文: 创13:1-18；贴前5:12-15

课题: 教会牧养, 爱, 伦理道德, 基督的身体, 人际医治,

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在我们与人相处当中，难免会有摩擦与嫌隙。因此，在爱的功课上，我们有两样不能避免学习的。第一就是谦让。圣经里有很多有关谦让的劝导。例如：《腓4:5》当叫众人知道你们谦让的心。主已经近了；《西3:13》倘若这人与那人有嫌隙，总要彼此包容，彼此饶恕。这些都是有关谦让的信息。但是因为有罪的人都有过失，这堕落的世界也存有不平之事，所以另一个我们基督徒要学习的功课就是对峙。圣经也告诉我们要用爱心说诚实话《弗4:15》。主耶稣也告诉我们说若有弟兄得罪我们，我们要趁着只有他和我们在一处时，指出他的错来《太18:15》。为何这样做呢？因为我们知道爱人的精神是不能让我们里头存有不平之心。当我们留着这等心，就会对自己的弟兄产生误解、论断，甚至是怀恨。这样一来，我们就给魔鬼留地步了。我们不但不能更加理解我们的弟兄，反而对他有更加偏激的判断。这都会叫人与人之间的爱心减少。有时我们的问题就是不能谦让，但又不愿对峙。有些人表面上不与人对峙，但心里未必甘心的谦让，只有忍受那受屈之心，这样的人心里会无形中收着罪（例如：苦毒、恼恨、忿怒、偏见等）。那有些人的对峙未必是以爱心出发，也不是要客观的问清真相，只是要将自己的不满和情绪加在别人身上。那不是圣经所许可的对峙，那是发泄。那是得罪你旁边的人的做法。这样的人可能觉得将自己不满之处说出来就好了，心里舒畅就没事了。但因为他的出发点不是爱，所做的也得罪人，所以一定会有后果。他的后果就是不得医治，所以重复的软弱一直会在自己身上发生，然后最后也会逐渐得罪更多的人。那是因为他只有体贴肉体，没有经过祷告，客观的察验主的美意，且必要时对付自己的偏见。其实，不管我们收着罪，或是成为罪的出口，那背后都是会给那恶者留地步。他会在神面前控告我们、毁谤我们，最后也透过我们被控告与毁谤的心加害与我们所爱的人。其实，大部分人基本上都是比较温顺，也不喜欢起争执，要不是触动到他们个人的利益（例如威胁到自己的财物或家庭），人一般上不会采取任何举动。当然，圣经也告诉我们不要“好管闲事”《提前5:13》，特别是我们自己还不能判断的事情，我们很难在此事插一脚。但是在有一些事情若是牵涉到我们或是我们与人的关系，我们不能逃避，反倒一定要以谦让和对峙的原则来对应。有时在教会牧养当中，若我们盼望我们手下的主的羊真是健康的成长，我们很难逃避谦让或者对峙的必要。有时在他们生命还幼嫩之处，我们对某些事情暂且谦让。但是在某些事情上，若他们的软弱不但加害到自己或是他人，我们要懂得怎样以爱心说诚实话，且要以温柔的心劝诫，必要时教导或纠正。可能我们所说的并不是完全正确，但起码我们在面对人的当儿能够得到另一个看事情的眼光，且将自己的看法说明。其实，谦让与对峙这两者都能够掌握齐全是牧养中其中一个最重要的功夫。我们都有欠缺，但是我们不能逃避这方面的学习。要不然，教会的行政与牧养工作就会慢慢走向“心理管理学”，不是“属灵学”。教会就会常常以心理测试来探讨人的个性与趋向来管理人事和事物，不是靠着顺从圣灵的引导来带领教会各样的事物。圣民唯有在以上两者掌握的好，才能看见彼此之间的尊重与爱心能真实的成长。

In our interaction with people, it is inevitable that there will be friction and grievances. Therefore, in the lesson of love, there are two types of lessons that we cannot avoid. The first is gentleness. There are many teachings in the Bible about gentleness. For example, <Phil 4:5> “Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.” <Col 3:13> “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.” These are messages relating to gentleness. But because sinful people have their shortcomings, and there also exist things that are unjust in this fallen world, hence another lesson that we Christians have to learn is confrontation. The Bible also tells us to speak the truth in love <Ep 4:15>.  The Lord Jesus also tells us that if a brother sins against us, we must go and point out their fault, just between the two of us <Mt 18:15>. Why do we do so? Because we know that the spirit of love does not allow us to have a heart without peace. When we have such a heart, we will misunderstand, judge, and even hate our brethren. In this way, we will leave a foothold for the devil. Not only can we not understand our brethren more, but we will also have a more biased judgment of them. This will reduce the love between people. Sometimes our problem is that we neither be gentle, nor confrontational. Some people on the surface, do not appear confrontational before others, but they may not be willing to be gentle in their hearts. Those who endure the aggrieved heart will inevitably retain sin subconsciously (such as bitterness, rage, anger, prejudice, etc.). Some people’s confrontation may not stem from love, nor do they want to ask objectively and be clear of the truth, but they only want to add their dissatisfaction and emotions onto others. That is not the confrontation that the Bible permits, it is venting. And by doing so, you are offending the person beside you. Such a person may feel that it is good to vent out what he is dissatisfied with, and after his heart feels comfortable, it will be fine. But because his starting point is not love, what he did will offend people, so there will be consequences. His consequence is that he cannot be healed, and such repetitive weakness will remain in him, and then he will gradually offend more people. That is because he only gives in to the flesh, but does not pray, objectively examines the beauty of the Lord, and deals with his own prejudice when necessary. In fact, behind this, whether we retain sin or become a channel for sin to flow out through us, it will leave a foothold for the evil one. He will accuse and slander us before God, and in the end, through our accused and slandered heart, harm our loved ones. In fact, most people are basically docile and do not like disputes. Unless it affects their personal interests (such that their belongings or family are at stake), people will generally not take any action. Of course, the Bible also tells us not to be “busybodies" <1 Ti 5:13>, especially in matters we are not able to judge ourselves. It is difficult for us to get involved in such matters. But if there are some things that involve us or our relationship with people, we cannot avoid. Instead, we must rely on the principle of gentleness and confrontation. Sometimes in church pastoral care, if we hope for the Lord’s sheep under us to have healthy growth, it is difficult for us to escape the need to be gentle or to confront. Sometimes, when their lives are still in a delicate stage, we have to be gentle in certain things for the time being. However, if their weakness in some things not only harms themselves but also others, we must know how to speak the truth in love, and we must exhort with gentleness and teach or correct if necessary. Perhaps what we say is not completely correct, but at least we can receive another perspective of things when facing people, and thereby explain our own views. In fact, the ability to master both gentleness and confrontation is one of the most important skills in pastoral care. We all have shortcomings, but we cannot escape the learning in this area. Otherwise, the administrative and pastoral work of the church will slowly move toward "psychological management", and not "spirituality". The church will often use psychological tests to examine the character and inclination of the person to manage people and things, instead of submitting to the guidance of the Holy Spirit to lead the church in all things. Only when the saints have mastered the above two can they see genuine growth in respect and love for one another.

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