之四：从“我要教导孩子”走向“神正在教导孩子”[5月28日交托主权的家庭]

交托主权的家庭｜之四：从“我要教导孩子”走向“神正在教导孩子”

5月28日

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朱志山牧师

经文: 申6:1-2,6-9;弗6:4

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一个生命是一个无限的创造。从他的生命产生（精子与阮子的结合），一直到他被生到这世界（受各种事物与环境影响），然后在这人重生得救之后（在主里的经历），在就是他离开世界进入永恒（在永恒的经历中），他都不断的在变化发展。所以，既然一个生命是无限的，也继续有潜在性的发展，我们绝对不能以一套固定或理想的方法来养育儿女，以此确保他们成为一个又杰出又属灵的人。我们能这样对待动物，但绝不能这样对待一个有无限潜在性的人。很多父母和儿童教育家，甚至是主日学老师犯上的错误就是过于相信只要我这么教导这孩子，他就会成为怎样理想的孩子。这是教育开始的误区了。所谓教育就是将他里面的无限特质和潜在力正面的发展出来。我们能按着真理所嘱咐的来教导孩子，但最终真叫孩子改变、成长、在他的位格里正面的发展都是在于创造他的上帝。这也可能包括他走了弯路，像是绕了一大圈而回来；或者是错过了一些学习的机会但从中又得了一些人生的经历。有时看起来像是浪费了时光，但从另一个角度也是一个必要的途径。所以，我们认识神的父母最重要的观念就是在养育儿女时，不断的求主给我们一颗确信神应许的眼光，另外就是继续借着祷告反思如何将孩子带到主面前。那绝对不限于只是把他带到教会。那也包括你继续将他的思想、情感、意志、生活、经历探讨带到主面前。哪怕是他带有一些不理想的行为举动，或是有一些欠缺或劣势之处，我们要如何借此将他带到主面前。在新约的教导里，保罗在儿女教育中只说到一个的真理，就是不要惹儿女的气。“不要惹”是一种被动的说法。① 这真理想必告诉我们父母最容易犯上的错是惹儿女的气。父母因惹了儿女的气，辖制了神在这孩子身上的工作。可能，这孩子在他的环境与天性的发展中继续被神塑造，但我们因自己等不及、看不开、受环境压力，或被自己的理想牵引等，我们就带出惹儿女的举动和说法。那么，他的潜在性就可能在那时候被辖制了；② 这不惹孩子的真理是一种被动的说法。多数人都会问：“我怎么去教这孩子”，然后将所有的关注与集中力放在这边。但是“不惹”带着“有主动者在教导与发展他”的意思，你只要小心不因自己的愚昧和糊涂而惹孩子，唯有在圣灵的引导之下指引他，让他在神为他定的领域中发展。当然这说法并不是说我们不需要管教或纠正孩子。管教和纠正都是指引的一部分，但我们不能在样样事情指定他怎么做或怎么改。特别，在孩子越来越长大之后，他因接触的人、学问与环境，心里一直会产生一些独立思想，在这当儿我们只能从真理中给他一个框架性的原则与适当的指点，剩余的他必须在他自己的成败、得失、取舍的种种经历当中领受主的带领而正面的发展。特别，当孩子不按着我们的理想发展时，我们虽着急要指点他，但在这当儿更是要观察圣灵正在怎么教导他而服从。

Every life is an infinite creation. From the formation of life (fusion of the sperm and ovum), to arriving to this world (being influenced by all kinds of things and environmental factors), and then going through regeneration (experiences in the Lord), then leaving the world to enter into eternity (experiences in eternity), he is constantly transforming and developing. Therefore, since a life is infinite, and has the continual potential to develop, we cannot use a rigid or idealistic method to teach our children, to ensure he can become an outstanding and spiritual person. We can condition animals this away, but we cannot treat a person with infinite potential in this manner. Many parents, child education experts, and even Sunday school teachers have the mistaken belief that if we teach our children in a particular way, they can be shaped into the kind of children we desire. This is the first mistake in education. Education is meant to develop a person’s innate qualities and potential positively. We can teach children according to the instructions of the truth, but ultimately what can truly make a child change, grow up, and develop positively in his personality is dependent on God, his Creator. This may include detours, whereby he ends up in the same place after a full circle; or missing out some learning opportunities but gaining some life experiences. Sometimes, it seems like time is wasted, but from another angle, it is a necessary path. So, as parents who know God, the most important notion in raising children, is to continuously ask God to give us a perspective that has assurance in God’s promises. The other notion is to rely on prayers to reflect on how we can bring our children before the Lord. This is definitely not just about bringing them to church. This includes bringing discussions on their thoughts, emotions, will, living, experiences, before the Lord. Even if they have some undesirable behaviours, inadequacies or weaknesses, we must bring them to the Lord through these. In the New Testament teachings, Paul only talked about one truth concerning raising children, which is not to embitter them. “Do not embitter” is phrased in a passive way. (a) This truth tells us that the most common mistake of parents is embittering their children. Because the child is embittered, the work of God on the child will be obstructed. Perhaps, this child would naturally be shaped by God in his environment and nature, but because we are impatient, stubborn in our thinking, stressed or cannot let go of our own ideals, etc, we embitter. In such instances, his potential may be hindered. (b) This truth about not embittering the child is phrased in a passive way. Many people will ask, “how then should I teach this child?”, and after that, they put all their focus into this area. However, “not to embitter” connotes “an initiator teaching and developing him”. If you can be careful not to embitter the child with your folly, and only guide him with the leading of the Holy Spirit, he can develop himself in the domains God has set for him. However, this does not mean we do not need to discipline or correct children. Disciplining and correcting are part of the guidance. But we cannot dictate everything he does or how he should change. Particularly, as children grow older and become increasingly exposed to people, knowledge and environment, they will develop independent thinking. At this point, we can only provide a framework of principles and some appropriate advice according to the truth. The rest of it comes from being guided and developed by the Lord through his own successes and failures, gains and losses, compromises and sacrifices. Particularly, when a child is not developing according to our ideals, although we must be quick to advise him, we must observe and submit to how the Holy Spirit is now teaching him.

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